On Wednesdays on this blog i will look to focus on an aspect of relationship from singleness to dating to marriage – i have a huge heart for relationships and seeing people be in a great space of contentment wherever they may be on the continuum – making the most of where you’re at and finding ways of celebrating and thriving or stepping things up a little.
I think this is both a simple thought and also one that is quite profound. It goes out to both singles and married peoples [and anyone in between]. And it is simply this: The person you need to work on in all of your relationships is you.
If you are single and wanting to date someone because of who you think it will make you. If you are dating someone and think that when you get married then you will be this and this of a person or do things differently. Or if you’re married and thinking, “If only the other person was such and such, then I would be more loving/caring/patient/lovable.” You are fooling yourself. The only person you can really change is yourself.
It is important to work on your character and attitude and integrity no matter what stage of life or relationship you are in. You are for the most part responsible for who and how you are. And if you are wanting to change someone else, then you are going to be bitterly disappointed. And probably cause a lot of damage and frustration.
You can influence people. But you can change yourself. You can hold other people accountable if they invite you to. But you can work on your attitude.
If you are single, then instead of looking for the perfect person to make all your dreams come true in relationship [if a relationship is something you are desiring] work on making yourself a better person for someone else to discover. Not so that they will discover you. But so that you become a better person. If, after you have done that, you end up finding someone who wants to be in relationship with you, then all the better, but at the very least you have improved as a person. Working on your faults before you enter into a relationship will save you a lot of grief later, although I’m sure you’ll manage to keep some for when you’re there, so don’t stress that you’ll somehow run out.
If you are in a relationship, then instead of compiling a list of all the ways your person needs to change, go and stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself some tough questions. If you’re feeling brave and really want to deepen this experience to the nth degree then ask your person to point out areas for you to work on. That will get the ball rolling.
Or your friends. Those you trust. Put Proverbs 27.6 into practice [Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses.] and invite some people who love you to speak openly and honestly and hopefully gently about some stuff you could look to work on.
Then go for it. It will change your life.