Posts Tagged ‘repentance’

derekwebbDerek Webb is a musician who sings about issues of faith, life and love and i really enjoy his music [and his crazy personality] and recently invited a section of the public to get involved and help him create the music video for his latest song which is titled ‘I was wrong, I’m sorry & I love you’ and which you can listen to over here. 

It’s a great song. And Derek did tell me that when life calms down a little [although not sure that will ever happen for someone like him] he will write a guest blog post for me on those three phrases and I very much am looking forward to the possibility of that.

But for this week’s relationship post I wanted to simply mention them, draw your attention to them and ask you if those are phrases you use in your relationships?

Being married, that is specifically the relationship I think of first, but this can apply to any relationship you are in with people you care about.

Do you ever say “I was wrong”? This is so huge. SO SO HUGE. And so neglected. And so damaging when it is. I’m also not just talking about saying the word ‘Sorry’ because I think some people use that word as a ‘Get out of jail free’ card replacing any actual kind of acknowledgement and responsibility for the hurt they have caused. Ah, I said the word so all good. No, have you actually really repented and meant it? Are you truly sorry that you hurt this person? Are you going to choose to live life differently so you don’t end up doing it again in the same way? I just realised I dived straight into the second one but they are so completely intimately linked.

Do you acknowledge wrongdoing on your part? Do you follow that up with genuine repentance? “I’m sorry.”

And then more than just the words again, does your life after that point echo the sentiments behind the third phrase, “I love you”?

Because once more those three words can be so empty if they are not backed up by a life commitment. If you love me do it differently. Do it better. Or possibly much more importantly, if I love you then what do I need to do differently, better, so that you feel loved? So that you experience love. Not just the feeling of love, but the reality of being loved.

It is a 1 Corinthians 13 type love that says and means that ‘I was  wrong, I’m sorry and & love you.’

‘4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.’

It’s a great song [been stuck in my head the last few days] so watch out for the video. And #cough the blog post, Derek #cough.

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I was very sad to learn recently that there have been a total number of 0 cases recorded of an ostrich burying its head in the sand.

First the Tooth Fairy, then Santa Claus [Father Christmas, as he was called in South Africa] and now this? What’s next, Johnny Depp?
[Just kidding, kids, Johnny is real!]

But yes, according to the American Ostrich Association, that is indeed merely a myth:

‘This tale originates from the fact that the male ostrich will dig a large hole (up to 6 to 8 feet wide and 2-3 feet deep) in the sand for the nest / eggs. Predators cannot see the eggs across the countryside which gives the nest a bit of protection. The hen as well as the rooster takes turns setting on the eggs and because of the indention in the ground, usually just blend into the horizon. All birds turn their eggs (with their beak) several times a day during the incubation period. From a distance it appears as though the bird has his/her head in the sand.’
[http://www.ostriches.org/factor.html]

In other news, I thought this card was pretty funny the first time I read it:

are you really?

But it becomes less funny when that becomes our go-to place of dealing with conflict.

The general apology “for that thing I did which upset you” which doesn’t take responsibility for the specific thing which you know you did which hurt or disappointed someone. We become like the mythical ostrich [What a segue, right?] and bury our head in the sand and hope that a sweeping kind-of-apology statement will be enough.

I have learnt from experience that it doesn’t work like that. Especially in marriage, which often helps to highlight the flaws in your character, thanks to the spotlight of living in very close proximity with another person. It is important and valuable, and sometimes oh-so-hard [but oh SO completely worth it, at the very least in the long run] to look the person in the eye and apologise for the specific thing you did.

“I am sorry that I was not on time when I knew you wanted to leave at 5.”

“I apologise for not making you feel like you are not appreciated around here.”

“I am sorry you felt that the joke I made at the dinner party last night was at your expense.”

And I’m sure a lot worse and a lot less serious than those simple examples. But at the risk of sounding a little bit Dr Phil, it is important to own your sorry in a conflict. A general, “Sorry for what I may have done to hurt you” [unless you honestly don’t know, and then find out so you can apologise properly] does not actually deal with the problem head on and it will surface again at some time [and be bigger and badder.

It is not easy most of the time. But repentance and confession in relationships are such key significant things.
[And making up afterwards is not the worst thing in the world either] You really have to choose to make those a regular part of life in all of your relationships with people.

[For next Wednesday’s Together vs. Not Together, click here]
[for last Wednesday’s Strangers in a Pit, click here]

And now a picture of J. Depp just to prove he’s still real.

Johnny Depp for real