Archive for the ‘Shtupidt People’ Category

I am not sure how I could post three awful music numbers and forget this absolute classic.

At the last Vineyard church where I worked as a youth/student pastor one of my youth guys [and now students] is a guy called Kent-Leigh which was a unique name for me but we got to know Kent-Leigh and watched him grow up and learn to speak and all was good and well and normal in the world, until this happened:

A lady auditioning for the Bulgarian version of Pop Idol [called Music Idol] surprised the panel of judges by confidently announcing that she will be singing the hit song ‘Ken Lee’ [I think the ‘T’ was silent] and went ahead to sing this classic Mariah Carey number she had obviously ‘learned the words’ from just listening to it… and so Ken Lee Tulibu Diboo Douchoo was born [which we sing full volume every time we hang with Kent-Leigh and he loves it. Probably].

I give you ‘Ken(t) Lee’:

[For Part I of the music mess, I mean mix, click here] 

Well, you know the vibe – it’s Monday again and I’ve taken it on myself that no-one should start the week with Monday blues and so in a bid to put a smile on your face [although this week’s smile strongly resembles a grimace] here are three music-related clips to inspire you [to thinking greater thoughts about your own shower voice]. If you only have enough time for one of them, then the challenge is to see if you can sit through the whole of the third one [my favourite part being the breath the singer takes mid-note] but all of these are classic[al] in their own right:

I give you the theme to Titanic. A powerfully moving piece, until this guy picked up his recorder:

Theme song to Titanic the way you probably don’t remember it. [Not Safe For Having Friends after you’ve made them listen to it]

Next up is that rousing theme which helped transport us into a world where dinosaurs became real once more and walked the earth:

The theme song to Jurassic Park. In a different other way you probably don’t remember. I think it’s great:

And then finally, one of the greatest song clips of all time and truly a lesson in endurance. Fill the room with people. Gather them around the screen. And press play on this soulful rendition of ‘O Holy Night’

[For the Bonus track on Part II of this Music montage featuring the woman who thought she had a Mariah Carey song figured out, click here]

[For last Monday’s hilarious Buried Alive in a Box, click here]

LEAVE U ALONE!

LEAVE U ALONE!

American speling irritates me.

I hope that doesn’t offend you, but it really does. Take the word ‘colour’ for example. It’s like Americaland took “There’s no ‘I’ in team” to some kind of crazy extreme and added their own little corollary of, “Oh well, if that’s true, then there is no “U” in ‘color’ which makes no sporting analogy sense whatsoever.

It’s “Colour!” Deal with it.

But you know when American speling really gets me mad. When they’re right. [fortunately I don’t get mad very often]

A chief example [of the two I can think of] [yes, only two! That’s it – it’s like the extent of American success in Word War I and II] is the word ‘route’.

I PRONOUNCE YOU…

I just realised what irritates me even more. That I just now realised the point I was wanting to make was about pronounciation and not spelling at all. What a waste of a witty and insightful introduction. No, screw it, I’m leaving it. No ways am I going to be able to be that creative on pronounciation.

As a good descended-from-the-British South African, I pronounce the word ‘route’ as Americaneses would pronounce the word ‘root’ hence my title having the same self pronounciation for us as ‘Money is the root of all evil’ [it’s not – money AND raiSINs perhaps, but not money alone].

So it really bothers me when I hear Americaneses pronouncing the word as a word that rhymes with “out” but starts with an ‘R’ but only mostly because they are correct. I have no idea how ‘ou’ became ‘oo’ from us between the paper and the tongue. It makes absolutely no sense and now I feel like I’m on the losing team. I’m one of the last two left in the picking teams game and the other captain just said, “Ah, you can have both of them.”

Have me? You got to earn me homie! But I digest.

So I will concur for now that ‘route’ should be pronounced like ‘shout’, ’bout’ and ‘doubt’ and not in the same way as you would say ‘hoot’ ‘boot’ or ‘shoot’ but I will continue to say it the wrong way. I’ve moved my driving over to the wrong side of the road, so you will have to be content with that.

TO’ MEANS ‘UNTIL’

The second Americanese speling thing that irritates me, I just now realised is a different word usage thing [Man, I did not think this through!] but again, the intro was pure literary brilliance and it is too late to veer over and drive on the right side of the road. [the left side being the ‘right’ side, if you get my Tokyo drift]

It happens in morning prayer which we do every Friday. Part of the devotion is two people reading Bible passages. The South Africans will take chapter 1 verse 1-10 and day “I am reading chapter one, verse one to ten” whereas the Americalanders will say “I am reading chapter one, verse one through ten” which sounds completely stupid to me, but only because I grew up doing the other one.

And once again, they are correct. Because ‘to’ to me suggests until, upto, to the point of. If I drive you to school I don’t drive up the steps and into the building – I drive you to the very edge of school and you take over from there. And so 1 to 10 really should mean I am going to read verses 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 and then I got you to 10,over to you. Right? Sad face!

Again, I’m probably not going to change because it feels so wrong to me when I hear it and when I say it [I’ve never said it!] But every time I hear someone else do the reading and they say “verses 1 through 10” I look up and give them a little victory acknowledgement nod.

But we still have colour! And you can’t take that away from me. No matter which root you try to take.

[For last Friday’s Everything happens for a reason, click here]

So today’s story is this inspirational one about a marathon running mom who, when she saw, her husband’s bicycle being taken out of the garage decided, ‘Not today mister!’ and took off after the thief.

‘Sarah Tatterson, 37, of West Seattle, Wash., is an accomplished runner, who has completed a dozen half-marathons in her lifetime. So earlier this month when she noticed a stranger walking up her driveway, entering her garage and making a quick exit with her husband’s bicycle, her running instincts immediately kicked in.’

marathon

Maybe the best part of this story [if there’s a better part than 37 year old marathon mom chasing 40 to 50 year old man on bicycle down the road] is that Sarah had just finished her Master’s degree in counselling and decided to put it to good use as she chased him:

“I was trying to get him to talk to me, and he wasn’t wanting to talk about his feelings,” she said. “The options were letting him go, or him going to jail. The full meaning of justice is that he’d be rehabilitated. I don’t know who he is, but I hope he gets the help he needs.”

You can read the rest of this inspirational and fun story on the ABC News site over here.

[For next Tuesday’s Paint the town red [and green and blue] click here]

[For last Tuesday’s incredibly creative street art, click here]

It’s Monday and maybe you’re dreading the long week ahead and already looking forward to the weekend. Well do I have a message for you. And by “I”, I mean one of my all-time funniest people alive [if you appreciate his absolutely dry sense of humour] Bob Newhart.

This is a sketch he did called ‘The Psychiatrist’ and if Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation [as brilliantly played by Rob Lowe] were here, he would tell you that, ‘This is literally the funniest thing I’ve seen.’ He tends to overexaggerate a little though, so it may not be that, but it is absolutely great and I hope it puts a smile on your face and encourages you to embrace this week:

And then a little bonus treat for the oldies among you who may have watched Newhart the series and one of the most iconic sets of characters in television history:

[For next Monday’s Music to move you [far, far, away from the source] click here]

[For last Monday’s Choose your own MADventure, click here]

The way I view the world, there are three forces/people at work:

[1] God – I don’t believe He runs the world like a puppet master but I do believe He is involved – When someone becomes a follower of Jesus His Holy Spirit comes and lives inside of us and directs, guides and prompts us and helps us to live a life that looks more like Jesus. I experience this in my life. Sometimes the voice of the Spirit is very clear and I really believe I am hearing from God on something and know how to act or what to say, but often it can be more subtle and sometimes I can feel like God is far away and distant. Because of the hugeness of God as I perceive Him to be, I have no problem with the fact that I do not fully understand how He operates or how He works – when He gets involved and when He chooses not to be. If He was able to create the Universe in a moment then it makes perfect sense that I would not be able to come close to understanding everything about Him. But I can have a picture of Him and as I spend time with Him and experience Him and learn more about Him so that picture goes.

[2] The enemy – The devil, satan, lucifer – once again I don’t really understand how the devil works but I do believe that God has an enemy who has some measure of power and is doing everything he can to thwart the work of God and take down people. Called ‘the father of lies’ the evidence is strong that there is a person or force in the world that is trying to move everyone more towards ‘the dark side’ – temptation, lust, violence, greed are a bunch of the tools of his trade and you just need to pick up a newspaper or turn on the tv to see the evidence of this.

[3] People – us. I don’t believe we are robots who don’t have free will and are living predetermined lives but that we have a strong measure of free will that influences how we live – the decisions we make and the actions we live out as well as the words we speak and how we act on our thoughts and inclinations.

So when it comes to how life happens, I believe all three people/forces are working all the time. God building His kingdom particularly through those people who follow Him; the devil doing anything in his power to thwart or uproot or break down what God is doing and to hurt and damage and destroy people as much as possible; and us living our lives while being influence by both good and evil and making decisions and learning and growing [hopefully] as we go along.

I had a friend at school who went for a bike ride on the night of his 18th birthday and was knocked over by a drunk driver and killed. A lot of people in situations similiar to those tend to blame God for what happened. “How could you take him like that?” But God didn’t kill my friend, a drunk driver did, when he made a really bad decision and then didn’t perhaps have the reaction ability he needed when he came upon my friend.

Some people have a ‘Whatever happens is God’s will’ approach to life, but I take issue to that as well. People dying is not God’s will, people being sick is not God’s will, abuse and divorce and rape, racism and sexism are not God’s will. They happen because we are in a broken and messed up world [brought about by our sin and disobedience or those who have gone before us] and so yes, God allows stuff like that to happen [a whole other discussion] but not everything that happens is because He wills it to. Holding a ‘Whatever happens is God’s will’ view to life often relinquishes us of the responsibility we should be having for our actions.

And so I do believe that everything happens for a reason in the sense that something or someone made it happen. Not necessarily in the sense that it has meaning and purpose and destiny. Sometimes things just happen because that is how we exercise our free will in that way. Which is why often the things that happen have the odour of crap to them.

Oh, and one more thing…

stupid

[For next week’s The Route of all Evil [And it’s NOT money!], click here]

[For last Friday’s Well maybe I SHOULD jump off that bridge, click here]

Okay so you had a great weekend but the thought of Monday does not fill you with much excitement or happiness because it’s a whole ‘nother week til the next weekened. Well here are a selection of options for you this day to attempt to put a smile on your face, have you laugh out loud or the always hoped for ‘chocolate-milk-out-your-nose’ emission [which is a LOT less gross if you have just been drinking that chocolate milk] and then the new potential reaction this week of ‘What the heck is that little girl doing with a snake around her neck and will the judges please vote quickly before she stops breathing and falls over’ [we cater for all types!]:

So do you choose:

[A] The couple who have worn identical outfits for 35 years, yes that was NOT a typo? Lest you think I am mocking this poor couple, I really am not. They completely beat me to it.

[B] Reasons not to re-enact Pinterest? – there are a bunch of these floating around – for those of you who are unware of what Pinterest is [like I try to be, except when it brings my beautiful wife much joy] it is basically a site where people show off beautiful and amazing creations and craftwork that is impossible for any human being [or maybe just these particular human beings] to copy with any reasonable amount of accuracy. Take a look at these and to challenge yourself doubly, start by taking a huge gulp of chocolate milk.

or [C] The little girl with the cute ‘awareness-of-the-need-to-preserve-animals’ poem… oh yes, and that thing! From Britain’s got talons. Um, talent.

 

[For last Monday’s Blend out Poverty once and for all, click here]

 

 

 

Mon – reasons not to re-enact pinterest – http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/reasons-you-should-never-reenact-pinterest-photos?utm_content=buffer6b778&utm_source=buffer&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Buffer